Karaoke Night Sucks
by Roxius
Summary: Mayuri goes to Karaoke night with the rest of Soul Society, only to discover a few things he wish he hadn't. Nemu X Isane, Matsumoto X Nanao, Kenpachi X Unohana, Komamura X Soifon. Please R & R! SHOUJO AI AND HET!


Mayuri Kurotsuchi could do nothing but watch in disgust as Hitsugaya crawled upstage and made an utter fool of himself by singing 'Gangsta Paradise'. It was Karaoke Night at the Soul Society, and Matsumoto had spiked her captain's drink with some alcoholic beverage. While she was busy making out with Nanao Ise, the poor white-haired kid was screaming into the mic like a fucked-up monkey. It was disturbing.

Normally, someone as well-refined and educated (at least in his own mind) as Mayuri wouldn't be caught dead at a rundown bar participating with his FELLOW SOUL REAPERS at such idiotic events, but it was Nemu's birthday, and she wanted to go. He was actually quite against it, but some powerful persuasion from Kenpachi Zaraki and his two lakeys convinced him otherwise. Now, here he was, sighing in disappointment as Hitsugaya finished his song and fell to the floor, the alcohol finally taking its toll on his little body.

Matsumoto broke off from Nanao's lips for a moment to help her taicho to his seat, and then went back to their love session. Mayuri shook his head and looked around the rest of the room as Sajin Komamura was called up to sing next (OH NOES): Kenpachi and Unohana were sitting together while Yachiru cheered Komamura on, Isane was sleeping with a bottle of sake in her hands, Shunsui was weeping over Nanao and Ukitake was consoling him...it was the usual stuff.

'God...this place is so boring...okay, it IS better than the world of the living, but still...I wish something interesting would happen!' Suddenly, just as he thought this, Mayuri's hopes were realized: Soifon had jumped on stage and kissed Komamura passionately on the lips (That was pretty hard to do, considering he had the head of a fox). Everyone in the bar was completely speechless, until Yachiru (Who else?) exclaimed, "HEY, KOMAMURA! YOU GOT A SOIFON ON YOUR MOUTH!"

Komamura must have known this, because he pushed Soifon away and ran behind the curtains in some futile attempt to escape. However, Soifon wouldn't give up so easily and chased after him. Mayuri would have probably burst out into laughter by now if the next scene he saw hadn't burned his eyeballs out:

Nemu, his sweet daughter Nemu, was kissing Isane Kotetsu...on the mouth. "What the fuck is she-" Mayuri began to stand up, when Yumichika Ayasegawa sat down next to him and said, "...Don't act so surprised, taichou. She already confided to me about it long ago. You're probably the only one who had no idea..." Mayuri's pupils were glowing crimson red as he hissed, "What.Are.You.Talking.About.You.Faggot?"

Yumichika smiled and winked playfully. Leaning back in his chair, he said, "It's really all your fault, you know, Kurotsuchi taichou. I read once about how abused children are prone to become homosexuals (like Akito Wanajima and Sasuke Uchiha)...I guess it's true..." Mayuri couldn't believe it. "Sasuke Uchiha is NOT gay! And...and...and Nemu is a machine! My creation! She's not a real human! She's...ah..."

Mayuri glanced over at Nemu and Isane kissing passionately and winced. It just couldn't be possible. Slamming his fists on the table, Mayuri closed his eyes and, to Yumichika's horror, began to cry. Tears of sadness where actually pouring down the sides of the mad scientist's face. It was a sight not even old man Yamamoto had ever seen in his days. Mayuri opened his mouth and started to speak.

"I didn't want her to turn gay...I didn't want her to turn gay...I didn't want her to turn gay..." He just kept saying this over and over as Yumichika stared at him in awe. After a while, Mayuri finally stopped sobbing and fell asleep. Yumichika sighed and placed a blanket over Mayuri's resting form before heading off to bed. By then, everyone, including Nemu and her girlfriend, had left the bar, leaving only Mayuri and an unconscious Hitsugaya...

Why Mayuri didn't want Nemu to become a lesbian? Well...it's because he didn't want to see her travel down the same gay path that he did...

...OR IS THAT NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER?


End file.
